iHate This Life
by DancingWolves13
Summary: Sam is being abused by her mom. She has to sneak out to buy her achohal, and lives with a tough exterior. What happens when Freddie Benson finds all this out?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**Sam's POV**

Sometimes I wish I had the perfect life that Freddie and Carly have. Sometimes I wish that I could live with Carly instead of heading home every night. Or what used to be a home. A home is a place that you can feel loved, a place where you feel like you belong. I haven't felt that since Melanie left. Since Dad left. Since Mom started coming home drunk. Since Mom started abusing me. I haven't felt like 'that place' was home for ten years.

"Samantha!" I jumped at the sound of my mothers voice, cutting through my thoughts. My bedroom door slammed open, and the looming face of my mother appeared in my line of vision. Her blond hair was matted, the greasy effects of not showering if or weeks. She was barely wearing any clothes; just a skimpy tank top, and very short shorts, that no one over the age of eighteen could pull off. My mother glared down at me, and I instinctively curled into a protective ball.

"Get up off your lousy butt, and go get me a beer!" She screamed.

"We're out of beer," I said to her, fearing her response.

"Well why not? Have you been drinking it all?" I frantically shook my head no.

"No I haven't, please, just let me go buy you some more!" I pleaded.

"Go quickly. I'm thirsty for some Bud Light." She said, as she stomped out of my room. I sighed, and thanked God.

Slowly I walked to my closet and took out my Pam Puckett costume. Since I'm under twenty one years, it's illegal for me to buy achohal. So when my mom tells me to get some I dress up as her and take her license. I know it's wrong for me to do, but it is also wrong for a woman to hit her child. And that's exactly what my mother would do if I didn't get the woman her beer.

I finished putting on the wig, and looked at myself in the mirror. Slightly cringing at my apperance, I walked out of the room and went to my mom's purse. Sliding out the ID, I looked around for my mom. Knowing she was in her bedroom, but still being aware to see if she came out.

I shut the door quietly behind me, and took a moment to get into charecter. Sometimes someone would see me, and engage a conversation. If I acted incorrectly, people would get suspicious. After I felt enought like Pam Puckett, I headed off to the liqour store.

The smell of achohal filled my nose, and I wrinkled it slightly. I immedialtly ventured to the beer section. There were about forty different selections of the vile liquid, but my mothers favorite was Bud Light. I skillfully picked up two cases of it, and walked in the direction of the cashier. I set the cases on the counter and put my mom's ID and twenty dollors next to the boxes.

"Will this be all?" The cashier said in a dull, monotone voice. I took in a breath, and thought of a Pam response.a

"Well if there was more, don't you think it would be on the counter?" I said in a perfect annoyed tone, that was a replica of my mother's voice.

"Okay Ma'am, I'm sorry. You don't need to get smart with me."

"Well clearly I do, since you asked such a stupid question!" I said, feeling more and more guilty with every word said.

"Here is your change of 2.50. Enjoy your day." I was surprised, most of the people I, or rather my mom, went off on got angry. Eh, well, it doesn't matter, my mom is probably really impatient right now. Taking the cases off the counter, I left without another word. Failing to notice on the walk home a fifteen year old boy, with brown hair, brown eyes, and the liberty to be able to call me one of his best friends. Freddie Benson. Probably the only person in the world that can look through my disguise, no matter how good.

Oh crap.


	2. Chapter 2

**Freddie's POV**

I was walking around town, trying to find a pet store. Spencer had forgot to feed his fish again, so it died. You would think that everyone would have learned there lesson about buying him more, but I fell in the trap.

A tall shadow fell across my sight, blocking the sun from my eyes. Looking up, I recognized Sam's mom, Pam. I would've said 'hello', but something about her felt wrong.

She was carrying two bags, which upon further inspection held cases of beer. The woman turned slightly, to look at the road. that's when I saw her face. This lady was not Pam Puckett. To anyone else, maybe even Carly, it would've been Mrs. Puckett. But I knew. Pam does not have such stunning blue eyes. Pam does not have just a dab of freckles under her stunning blue eyes. But someone related to Pam does. Sam.

After digesting my realization, I became angry. Why was Sam illegally buying achohal? Did she drink it herself? Or was her mom drinking it? I wanted to follow her, but I knew that couldn't happen. There was no place to hide in Sam's apartment. I did need to talk to her though.

I took my Pear Phone out of my pocket and texted her.

**hey. can u go 2 GS after school? i need 2 talk 2 u. **

I quickly hit send, and looked at her to see her reaction. Nothing buzzed, or rang, so she must have left her phone at home. Oh well; she'll see it soon.

I took a deep breath, and turned in the direction of Bushwell Plaza. Almost forgetting my mision for Spencer. I turned the opposite way, and ventured off to find a pet store.

**Sam's POV**

I climbed up the fire escape hoping that no one from my building would see me. Carefully sliding the window open, I jumped into my bedroom. I yanked the wig, clothes, and earrings off. Then I put my Penny Tee and shorts back on.

Picking up the bags I walked out my door and into the kitchen/living room. Mom was still in her room, and I was thankful for that. I opened the fridge and slid the beer into the bottom shelf.

Slowly, I walked back to my bedroom. There is a lock on the inside of my door, so if I make it back without disturbing her, I can be safe for the rest of the night.

I know where all of the sqeaky floorboards are, where all the blindspots are. Acoiding them at all costs is vital. I reached my door and sighed with relief. I scooted into the room, and locked the door. I was safe for tonight.

As I collapsed on to my bed, I saw my phone flashing. It was probably just Carly, asking me which shirt she should wear for some stupid date. That's another thing I'm jealous of. All the boys Carly seems to get. It seems like everyday she has a new boy coming up to her and asking her out. Lately it has been Holden Carters, star quarterback on the Ridgeway football team. He was the hottest boy in eleventh grade, and all the girls swooned over him. Except for me. No boys ever looked at me, unless Carly was nexted to me, and then they only wanted to know why a girl like me was friends with a girl like her.

I picked up the flashing technology and flipped the top up. To my surprise it was Freddie, not Carly. Freddie was my other best friend. He knew me better thsn anyone. Including Carly.

I read the text and smiled a little. Hanging out with Freddie was better than hanging out with Carly. With Carly I felt like I had to live up to her, but with Freddie I could be myself. I don't actually like to hurt people. Growing up having a mom who hurts you makes you know what it feels like to be hurt. I'm not actually a tough girl. I have to be tough to stay alive against my mom, but anywhere else it's all an act. Freddie also knows that I don't get to eat a lot with my mom, which is the reason I'm always raiding Carly's fridge.

I typed a quick response to Freddie:

**kk. but ur buying. :)**

The message sent and I waited with baited breath for his relpy. I jumped when my phoje beeped, and looked down to read the text.

**of course. :) we can walk there after schools out**

I frowned. We always walked home with Carly. Did that mean that she was coming too? As much as I loved my best friend, I really didn't feel up to acting again.

**does Carly already know the plans?**

I hoped with all my heart that Carly wouldn't be coming.

**no, Carly is going out with Holden 2morrow. she wont b coming.**

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. Suddenly, there was knocking on my door, and my mom yelling for me. I knew if I didn't answer she would find a way to oick the lock. Quickly I sent Freddie one last message, and got ready for the rocky road ahead.

**kk. See u tomorrow. Bye :)**

I didn't wait to see if he responded. I flipped my phone shut, got off my bed, and opened the door, revealing my "wonderful" mother.

"Samantha, come out here, there is someone you need to meet," she said, a malicious grin on her face.

"Yes Ma'am," I replied, following her into the kitchen/living room. There was a man standing in the middle of the room. He was about 6'2 and had dirty blond hair. His eyes were coal black, and he had an evil aura.

"His name is Jeremy," my mother said from behind me. "We met at a bar last night. Isn't he just wonderful?"

"Oh please. I'm no where near as wonderful as you." Jeremy told her, making me want to gag.

"When I told Jeremy I had a sixteen year old kid he just went bonkers. He has been craving a young girl to help him with something, and I told him that you would be happy to oblige." You could hear the poison in my mothers voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked cautiously, fearing that I already knew the answer.

"Oh, you'll know soon enough," said Jeremy. "We'll start our fun later tonight."

(Laterthatnight laterthatnight laterthatnight laterthatnight laterthatnight laterthatnight)

Jeremy came into my room at about 9:00. He was grinning so wildly that you might have thought it was Christmas or someone had come back to life.

"Ready for our fun Samantha?" He asked me. I vigourously shook my head no, not daring to speak. "No? Well that's too bad. I have been waiting a long time to have fun like this, and I'm not outting it off any longer."

Jeremy pushed me roughly into the wall and started kissing my neck. I pushed and kicked and screamed, but to no avail. The man had a firm grip. Trying to wiggle out of it would be nearly impossible.

He started to touch me inappropriately and threw me onto the bed. That night, was the worst experience of my life.

**(A.N) Sorry I forgot to do the disclaimer on chapter 1 so here it is:**

**I do not own iCarly or any other references in this story.A**

**I hope you enjoyed chapter 2, and thank you to all the reviewers of chapter 1. Each time I read one it made me smile. I hope to update a chapter everyday, but if that's not possible, it will be every other day. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN sorry I didn't update yesterday, my family was over.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, sadly. If I did do you think I would be writing fictional stories about it? Nope.**

**Sam's POV**

I woke feeling terribly icky. I was lying on my bed, clothed in just my bra and underwear.I frowned at that. Why was I so underdressed? Then I remembered last night, and immediatly felt glad that my undergarments were still on.

I climbed out of bed and headed to my closet, checking the time on my dresser. 7:37 the clock read. I yelped. School started at 8:00! And it takes fifteen minute to get to Carly's apartment. Hurridley I put on a elbow length black and white stripped shirt, and black capris. I slid on my green converse, and brushed through my unruly blond curls. I ran to to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I grabbed my phone and backpack, checking to make sure all my books were in there, and slid the window open. Quickly, I jumped on the fire escape and running down the stairs, simultaneously texting Carly that I'd be there in a few minutes.

Σεδδιε

I opened Carly's door to see my two best friends pacing the room, checking their phones every two seconds.

"What's up with you guys?" I asked them, using my tough-girl Sam voice. They bith looked up at me, relief etched onto their faces.

"Sam!" Carly screamed. "We didn't know where you were!"

"What do you mean? I texted you about ten minutes ago." I told my brunette best friend.

"No you didn't! But I did get texted a picture of you last night sleeping on your bed, barely clothed, with blood runnign down your leg!" She screamed at me.

_Blood?_ I thought to myself, vaugley remembering last night. Then I did.

(Flashback)

_Jeremy had thrown me on the bed and was now kissing me repeatedly. I was trying to push him away, but that just made him mad. _

_"Feisty now aren't we, Samantha," he growled. "Well I have a cure for feisty girls." I watched as he took out a knife slowly brought it down to my bare leg. He had already de-clothed me. _

_"Don't worry, Samantha, this won't hurt too much," he said, with so much malice I thought he would explode. Jeremy cut the knife into my milky white ski. And drew a red line down to my knee. I screamed, the pain too much to bear. _

_"Be quiet you stupid girl!" He yelled at me, making another mark on my skin. I held in another shout, too terrified of what he would do if I screamed again. _

_Once he was done with his knife, he went back to kissing me, and touching my body. I didn't make anymore noises, afraid of the knife, but more afraid of the beholder. _

(End of flashback)

"Sam!" I jolted out of my nightmare, and looked into the face of Freddie Benson. His hands were on my shoulders, fripping my gentl. As too keep me from falling down. His chocolate eyes were filled with concern as he looked at my face. "Are you okay?" He asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said to him, lying through my teeth.

"Yeah?" Carly butted in, "Then show us your leg. Take off your pants."

"What!? Carly! I'm not going to take my pants off!" I exclaimed, suprised by her boldness.

"Why not? We need to know your okay!" She countered.

"That's the problem. One of the 'we' is a boy. I'm not taking my pants off infront of a boy!" I yelled back at her. Freddie awkwardly let go of my shoulders, hanging his hands by his sides.

"We're your best friends!" Carly shouted, "It's not like we're asking you do go naked! It will be like wearing a bikini, except wearing a shirt for a top."

"Fine, I'll do it. But you both have to look the other way well I'm taking my pants off." They both obediantly turned around well I pulled down my pants. I gasped as I saw the red gash running down my leg. I must not have noticed it when I was getting ready this morning. They both aoun around upon hearing my gasp.

"Ohmigod! Sam!" Carly screeched. She turned around and ran for Spencer's bathroom. Freddie and I both cringed at the sounds of her barfing.

"Aren't you going to go after her?" I asked him, and he looked at me in surprise.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you love her," I said to him, my heart breaking a bit more with each word in the sentence.

"What?! I don't love Carly anymore. I never did. She was just a crush. I still love Carly, but like Spencer does. She's my little sister in a way. And right now Carly is the least of my problems. I love you as well Sam. You are my best friend and I'm not going to keave you sitting there, badly injured, while I go off to help Carly."

"You- you love me?" I questioned, shock evident on my face.

"Yes Sam, I love you. As I said. Your my best friend. Better than Carly even. Now stop talking so I can fix your leg." I shut up, whether because he told me too, or because I was shocked that he loved me, I didn't know.

Freddie bent next to my leg and carefully touched my cut. I winced, but kept my mouth shut. I knew Freddie would never hurt me, but I was still scared that if I made a noise he would do something.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked me. I quickly shook my head no, stupidly afraid that if said yes he would do it again.

"Are you sure?" I nodded this time, and gave him a quick smile. He looked unconvinced, but shook it off as nothing.

Freddie leaned down again, and pressed harder on the cut. He opened his mouth to ask the previous question, but I couldn't help myself. When he had pressed again it reminded me of last night, and I was brought back twelve hours. I rolled into a ball, protecting myself from Freddie, while crying out 'please don't hurt me, Jeremy! Please.'

Freddie immediatly stopped, and backed away. I was still in a frenzy, trying to get away from the man I trusted most. I was confused though. I was thinking that Freddie was Jeremy.

"Sam!" Freddie shouted, trying to calm me down. "Sam, please!"

I could faintly hear him through the vision of last night, but what had happened was to traumatizing. It would be difficult trykng to get me out of the nightmare.

Then I felt two strong arms encircle my waist, and I knew it was Freddie. He pulled me to him, and snuggled me into his chest. A husky voice started whispering in my ear, telling me lies.

"It's going to be okay," Freddie said. "Your safe. I'll protect you."

Nothing was ever going to be okay again. I'll never be safe from Jeremy. No one could protect me from that monster.

Freddie kept holding me, saying sweet, untruthful, phrases. The hallucination had stopped, but I kept on quivering.

A pair of lips gently rested on my head for a few seconds, then lifted. I could feel my eyes growing heavy, but before I drifted off I looked up at Freddie. Even if he couldn't protect me from Jeremy, I knew he would try his hardest.

Freddie touched my cut again, but I couldn't feel it. I knew I was mostly safe with him, so I needn't worry about it. Finally, I fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry for not updating sooner. I feel like such a jerk. I am such a jerk. The reason I was so delayed is because I have been in Hawaii for the last three weeks. My parents actually don't know that I write fanfiction, and I want to keep that a secret. So I couldn't write, for fear they world come and find me. So yeah, I'm really sorry. Please don't hate me too much.**

**Disclaimer: Okay, I'm thirteen. I'm in Junior High School. I don't know how to direct a TV show. So obviously I don't own iCarly. Duh!**

**Freddie's POV**

I smiled as Sam finally fell asleep. She looked so much different from when she was awake. Like she didn't have a care in the world. The worry lines went away, and she had a soft smile on her face. I had told Sam that I loved her because she is my friend, but that isn't the case. I definetly love her mire than that.

I got to work on her cut, turning my smile into a frown. I had a pretty good idea who did this. I don't know who he is personally, but I had a string feeling it was the guy Jeremy that Sam was screaming about.

The cut on Sam's leg was pretty deep, and had started bleeding again as soon as I got working on it. I quickly ran to my apartment and bright back my mom's ambulence first aid kit.

I lightly rubbed antiseptic on the cut and wrapped gauze around the ling gash. Then I wrapped another bandage on top of the gauze to keep it secure. I gently kissed the wound. After I pulled away I checked my watch. We were an hour late for school. I didn't want to wake Sam, but if we skipped we'd be in big trouble. I decided to get Carly and let Sam sleep for a bit longer. I sighed not wanting to leave her, but got up and went to Spencer's bathroom.

Σεδδιε

Carly was sitting in the bathroom, knees up to her chest, with dried tear marks on her face.

"Carls, we need to get to school, we're already an hour late," I said, as gently as possible.

"How is Sam?" Carly whispered.

"Sam's going to be okay. I cleaned her up and she is sleeping right now. I came to get you so I could let h sleep a bit longer before we go to school."

"I am such a terrible friend!" Carly suddenly burst out, wailing.

"What? No your not Carly! Sam knows you don't like blood, she isn't mad at you for not being able to look at her cut. But she will be mad at you if you can't be there for her today, or tomorrow, or the next day, or anytime after now. Sam's going through a really rough patch, and we need to be there for her all the time. Can you do that? For Sam?" I asked the girl, feeling as if I were persuading a toddler to stop crying and to get back up.

We walked down the stairs to the living room, where Sam was waiting, still asleep. I smiled slightly, and Carly nudged me.

"What?" I asked her.

"You soooo have a crush on her." She said, smirking in a all knowing manner.

"What! No I don't!" I said, my voice getting higher with each word. "I just care for her, a lot. She's my best friend."

"Uh huh." She smirked again, and I sighed. She knew. But I didn't just have a crush on Sam. I was falling slowly in love with her.

Sam stirred in her sleep, and I snapped back to reality. I walked over to Sam, and gently shook her awake. Her eyes slowly opened, and her blue irises stared up into my face, still sleepy, and unfoucused.

"What's going on?" She asked, mumbling. She looked around and down at her leg. Sam had double take when she saw the bandages, and looked back up at me.

"Did you do these?" My best friend questioned.

"Yeah, do you mind?" I asked her, looking sheepish

"No. It's fine. Thank you."

"Do you think you can go to school, Sam?" Carly asked her, speaking up for the first time. Sam turned her head to look at her, noticing her best friend.

"Usually I would say no, but I have a weird feeling that I want to learn." She said, looking perplexed.

"Okay, but take it easy okay? No roughing people up. Your leg needs to heal." Carly warned.

"Fine." Sam humphed, looking slightly grouchy.

I helped Sam stand up, and gave me a slight glare, kinda like 'I can fend for myself doofus'. I just glared right back at her, my own message stating that even if she was "invincible" she was hurt and needed my help so she better shut up.

We turned around to face Carly, who was staring at us funny.

"What?" Sam asked her.

"Oh... nothing..." Carly giggled. She then promptly turned on her heel, and walked out the door.

I grabbed Sam's backpack and my own and walked out after her, Sam trailing close behind me.

**Carly's POV**

Okay, I know the Sam thinks that Freddie still has a crush on me, but he so doesn't. You can totally tell by the way he looks at Sam that he has a crush on her. A big one. I need to think up a way to get them together.

But anyways, Sam has been coming to my house a lot recently. In fact, last night was probably the first night this whole week she had been in her own home. And look what happened. She got hurt. I had suspicions about her mother and her boyfriends, but I wasn't going to say anything to Sam. She would just deny it. She would come to my house covered with bruises, and sometimes wake me with her screaming.

I could tell Freddie, but I wasn't even sure if I was right. If I told Freddie that I thought her mom was abusing her, who knows what would happen.

Especially if I'm wrong.


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N- Hey guys! I always feel bad that I can't thank the people that give me reviews, so I put all the reviewers, followers, and likers on my profile. Thanks to you! You make my day!**

**Disclaimer- Is iCarly still airing? No? Well than do I own it?**

**Sam POV**-

I think that Carly has started to figure me out. She has seen me with my bruises more than just last nights, and she has heard me screaming when I come over to sleep at her house. I'm amazed that Freddie hasn't heard me, since I sleep on the couch. Or maybe he does and hasn't wanted to say.

I can't believe I wanted to go to school today. On any given day I would hate that! But I think the real reason is I didn't want Freddie to leave my side. We have every class together except for Computer Science, which he takes while I have study hall. He took to many classes to have study hall.

At least I had Carly in that bell. She was in four of my other classes, so it wasn't like we never saw her. And out lockers are all together so that's a plus.

We had gotten to school late, but when Freddie told the principal about my leg, and how they had to take care of it, he said it was okay.

It was third bell already. Algebra 1 with Freddie and Carly. I actually did pretty well in school. I just did my homework when I was alone, and kept my grades private. I didn't want people to know I was smart. I had my reputation to uphold. I'll admit to being a little dumb when I first started high school. I had to get a tutor, and he showed me all these little tricks and ways to understand, and do my homework. After a first year of his tutoring, he deemed me one of his fastest learners, and ready to hit the classes on my own.

I was really proud of myself. My tutor was actually the only person I have ever told about my mom. He helped me with that too. I still see him every month. Trevor, my tutor is one of my best friends and the only "therapist" I will let near me. Carly and Freddie don't know about him; as a friend, tutor, or therapist. I wasn't planning on letting them finding out.

"Sam?" I looked up and found the teacher standing in front of my desk, a concerning look in his eyes.

"Um... yeah?"

"Can you answer the question, please?"

"Uh... sure. Can you repeat it please?"

"What is the value of x, when y is 87.998?" Mr. Simmons asked me. I looked at the board and evaluated the question, then without thinking it through, I answered.

"76.908674. Repeated," I told him, doing the equation in my head. The whole class gasped and Mr. Simmons gaped at me. I could hear whispering, about how I was supposed to be dumb, and a bully. I know it's my own facade, but it really hurt my feelings.

"I mean, I'm guessing..." I said unconvincingly.

"BRRRRIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG" the bell rant, signaling the time for our next class. Nobody stood up. Everyone was staring at me in shock, especially Freddie and Carly. The only 'normal' person was Mr. Simmons. He was the one who graded me, of course he knew that I was actually smart. Though today had been the first time he had called on me in class.

"Will everyone please leave, I have another class waiting at the door. Remember to do your homework. Page 187 in the textbook. Dismissed."

By that point my classmates had gotten over most of the shock. It really hurt my feeling that they thought I couldn't do math. If I couln't do Algebra, why was I stuck in the stupiid class! Everyone got up to leave, and I blended into their crowd of bodies, following the current to my next class.

**Carly's POV-**

"76.908674. Repeated," Sam had said. She had done a complex, mathematical equation in her head. A problem that even Freddie had to use a calculator for. I had known that Sam was smart. I'm her best friend. I knew she did homework and got A's and B's on her report card. Sam just lied to everyone else. Telling them it was a D or F. Yes, I had know Sam was smart, but I never thought she was smart enough to do a problem like that! In her head no less!

Freddie looked over at me. His face showed me that he was just as surprised as I.

"How did she do that?" Freddie whispered to me. I barely heardd him, I was too busy looking at Sam's face. Our classmates were whispering about how she was supposed to be stupid and a bully. Sam looked like for once, it was her being punched. I could even see a hint of tears in her eyes.

"Carly. Carly. Calry!" Freddie whispered, trying to catch my attention.

"Yeah?"

"I was asking you how Sam did that."

"Um, I don't know. Freddie look at Sam's face. Like, really look at it. Then listen to what everyone's been whispering about for the last two minutes."

He did, and when he turned back to me, I could tell he was angry. Before he could say anything, the teacher spoke up and told us we had to leave. Sam immidiatly slipped away into the crowd, and I lost sight of her curly, blond head.

I looked over at Freddie- who was still seething- and spoke what had been on my mind since this morning.

"There's a lot more to Sam than we think."

**A/N: Okay, bring out the pitchforks. I'm SO SO SO sorry. I've been so busy. I went to Camp Ernst, and then I had to get ready for school, and then I had to read Treasure Island and The Light in the Forest. I really wish I could've updated sooner, but this has been my first free day for weeks. So yeah, please don't hate me.**

**Also, the problem that Sam did is something I made up. The answer is entirely wrong, and the equation probably doens't work. **

**Thanks again to all my reviewers and followers and likers, you guys always make my day.**

**XOXO**

**Dancing Wolves**


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